I am broken

People who know me, say I'm funny and a joker. That may be true. Wait, it IS true. I am a joker. Nothing like Heath Ledger, but nothing less either. If that makes sense.

Let me let you in on a secret. It's no secret actually (why am I doing this??), but the truth is that I'm a bit shy. I'm very scared to meet new people. Ask anyone whom I've met for the first time. So, when I meet new people, I'm all very shy and everything. And then when I get to know them, WHAM! I'm the Joker! No, really! I turn into this beast, who just can't stop cracking the worst jokes ever known to mankind!

And then there's this other habit. I stick to people. You see, I've only ever had this many real friends. They're the ones who don't mind me sticking to them. So, I just stick to someone who gets a little comfortable with me. And that sucks. The sticking bit. Everyone wants their space...

And this is the worst bit! I KNOW MY FAULTS!! I f&%*$)g know my faults! And yet...!

This has caused me to lose many prospective friends, the result of which is that I'm a very bitter man. I'm never anyone's confidante, never anyone's run-to guy, never anyone's come-over-let's-have-some-fun guy. Just a lonely bum. This is why I’m a bitter guy.

There's this person on Facebook, who's my "friend". Arjun introduced me to her writing. She tags me in her notes now and then. And I can't tell you how much I identify with her work. It's a different thing that I absolutely do not understand why she writes dark stuff in her work when she appears to have so many true friends who dote over her. Her pictures tab shows so many photos of her enjoying with a large group of friends. Try finding something like that in my photo area. And yet, her words fit my feelings of utter despair like a hand in a glove. Her name is Anisha Sharma. And I salute her.

So, even though my "friends" think of me as a funny person, I'm not. See my last two creative works, The Assignment and Neighbours. Short films that I've made. Both have grim endings. And people expect me to make comedies.

I act in comedies, that is, the school/college plays. But I'm just so full of shit!

I attended this script-writing workshop. At the end, the guy asked us to write a small script. Even there, I wrote one where someone dies. I'm so full of death and misery! The concept I have in my head right now also ends with the protagonist’s suicide. Oh God!

I need help.

 

Rant Over.